I'm not Oprah

"You may not feel like you've changed, because like you said, You only just recently gained weight, you don't know what it feels like to get picked on in elementary school, low confidence though high school. You have NO idea. So before you go and shatter your viewers dreams that they will still be STILL insecure and STILL be shy and lonely, REMEMBER that for some people the only thing stopping them from releasing is their WEIGHT. I have personally felt the difference when I lost 50 lbs. I was more confidence, less shy, and felt like I was able to get out there because I finally for ONCE in my life I felt comfortable with myself and my body and Because of that -- I didn't care what people thought anymore because I knew I was where I wanted to be and that made me come out of my shell . Losing weight CAN change you as a person, and change your outlook on life, so please don't tell people they will still be miserable and sad and what ever. I know you said you don't reply... and honestly I almost never comment. UNLESS...its something I feel very strongly about. I honestly don' t know for myself, but unless I was stuck in my shell my whole life, and the person I am now was hiding in there-- I dont know but losing weight really did make me come out and totally change as a person for the better."

~A viewer.

I won't say who this was because I honestly think she thought she was being sincere. This is one person's perspective.


Would it help you all if I said...


IVE BEEN SO HAPPY SINCE IVE LOST WEIGHT. MY WHOLE LIFE HAS CHANGED.

YOU WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO DO _______ ONCE YOU LOSE WEIGHT.

YOUR CONFIDENCE WILL GO THROUGH THE ROOF ONCE YOU LOSE WEIGHT.


Sorry- I don't remember telling people they will be miserable and sad if they lose weight. I remember saying, any deep seeded issues you have won't magically disappear.

If you have confidence issues, you need to work on it NOW.
Not Later.


Let's chill out a little.

Don't like a 900 Calorie Diet?

I don't care.

Have a pop-tart- that'll put you at 1,200.

Or have a class of juice- BAM 1,200.

Have a health bar...

Getting the point?

Are we really going to keep going on and on about 1,200 calorie metabolism?

Don't like my diet plan? Add stuff to it- make it your own.


I need consistency. Something that will keep me on track- at least for the weekdays. Weekends I tend to be a little more lax.

Train your stomach- shrink it. Don't think about food.

DON'T keep a food diary- it just makes your hungry and it drives you CRAZY. "But a food diary helps me blah blah blah." Ok- awesome. And? If you've ever tried to keep one, how long has that lasted? A week- at best.

DON'T take diet pills. NO NO NO. They're super ineffective, they give you really nasty side effects and you end up wasting time and money. Although it seems like you may be losing weight the first week- it's all lies. And you won't keep it off.

DON'T become a crazy wannarexic knowing you weigh 160+ You'll get there soon enough, if you constantly watch 95lb girl thinspo, it just gets more and more frustrating if you aren't seeing results a certain week. Stick to your 10lbs increments.

DON'T spread out losing 10 lbs over a month. That's just silly. Way to say "I'm too afraid to push myself, and don't want to be dissappointed, so I'll let this weight stay on me as long as possible."
Let me ask you- how long have you been on a diet? Forever? I thought so.

DON'T stop making videos! Videos and youtube keeps you going. Best part about it- it's FREE. Speaking of free...

DON'T buy bullshit you see on tv or in stores: workout dvds, equipment, diet plan systems, atkins book. There's a ton of FREE information online. It's hard not too. I really want to get that Shakeweight dumb thing- but I won't. I'll try reeeeally hard not to.

DON'T starve yourself. You won't last that long and your weight loss WILL NOT be permanent. Fasting is a "healthy" way of saying starve. And even if you do fast- make sure you easy into it. Not BINGE because it's your last day before the fast.

DON'T BINGE- My biggest problem ever. I eat a lot! A ton! Ask Phil. I eat so much and it's disgusting how much I can put away. But then doing that puts my weight loss at a stand still for a few days and then maybe in a few days I can start from square one. If you've been reeeally good, it's ok to be bad once in a while. But not ONCE A WEEK. Or once a day (after midnight) like me. How many of you out there are late night eaters? I was on the phone with Manny0219 a few weeks ago, and it was 3am, she was like "What are you doing?" and I said "Making mac and cheese". And I ate the whole thing on the phone too. A mac and cheese box is 3-4 servings. Just cause it's all in one BOWL doesn't make it one serving. :(

DON'T complain about being fat. EVER. Guys hate this particularly and it just irritates most people. It makes them feel forced to say something they may not really think like "No, you're not fat." If you think you're fat, hearing you're not won't make it better. Then why mention it. I say it to Phil all the time. But it is really annoying. I've dated some guys who have said "Man, I love how you just never complain about your body. You're just confident" When really I'm not, I just don't say it aloud. Well to Phil now cause I feel comfortable enough with him. Recently he told me not to complain anymore if I'm going to keep eating like shit. He said "I don't think you're fat- but if you think you're fat, fix it!"
Doesn't this thong look like it should be facing the other way? And on a man?^^


What else could I say? Isn't my puppy sooo cute??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GFQdqFrKro


I am running out of DON'Ts. I won't make any DOs cause you can DO whatever you want. As long as you DON'T do those things ^

Work from Home Woes

I love my job. I do extremely well, it comes very easily to me. Thankfully, business has been as good as the economy bad. I am a certified Financial Fitness Coach for one of the top debt consolidation companies. The pay is great. I am making over double what I made in Buffalo on BASE salary alone. Not including, comission, incentives and bonuses. Financially, things are looking up for Phil and I. The apartment set us back a bit. They required 2 months deposit + October rent + November rent was due the 1st. $8,000 in a month, bye-bye. Not keeping in mind furnishing, setting up utilities, food & new work clothes.

But finally, now, we are almost there in terms of furniture. We've painted the dining room and living room. Bought a nice sofa set and I finally set up my home office before Christmas after in house training for two months. So far so good! We actually are starting to get our first few paychecks where nothing else is due. Only took 3 months. >.>

My job, I can't complain. I chose an evening schedule so I could have weekends off. Morning schedules require you to work one weekend day. But having Phil at work all day and getting home to me at work all evening is not much fun. I don't drive because I don't have a car because I'm from NYC where you don't NEED a car. I do have my license! Hopefully I'll get a little something further down the line when it's more necessary. As of now, I can only count on Phil to take me anywhere I need to go. The places we end up frequenting are Walmart and fastfood.

It used to be I'd find any excuse to leave the apartment, like walk around the club house, visit the gym. Now I feel so lazy before work, I don't want to do anything. I just want to lay around until I absolutely HAVE to go in the office and work. I need to find something to do before hand. A hobby or something to keep me busy. Any suggestions?

Please don't ask for any work from home jobs. I'm not stuffing envelopes and it's not part-time. You have to live in the state of Maryland or California, or find someway to live there for 2 months while in training. You need a bachelor's degree and experiences in sales. It's an actual career, not get rich quick scheme or gimmick or something you can do while watching your kids from home. I'll be more than happy to refer people if this is the case. :D

Question on my Ethnicity

I know this will open up a whole new can of worms- but let's.

My response to this is the best I could give on my own behalf- I can't speak for anyone else on the subject.

This is a question from a very good friend here on YouTube:

I love your videos and find your weight loss inspirational!
My question is concerning your ethnicity... I know it doesnt matter too much, I'm just curious about why you so vehemently deny having any african ancestory? You say you're Dominican, and I beleive that is true but you look African American, frankly. You could have knocked me over with a feather when you mentioned in one of your videos that you arent black. I felt slightly offended about it, actually... I know you dont give a shit about anyones hurt feelings, but I'm curious. You must know that many of your subscribers are African American! 90% of Domicans are part African, you know! Its ok if you dont answer this question, its a touchy subject, and actually, I may have answered it myself, but any of your thoughts on the matter would be appreciated. ^_^

I replied:
What matter? I'm Dominican, we are all kinds of races- especially African. I still don't understand what you're asking....

"Black" (a term I hate) for us means African American (another term I hate)- we usually don't want to be confused with being African-American because our cultures are so different.
Am I black? Yeah.
African American? No.

Blacktina like some people called it. It doesn't really make a difference to me, but our culture is so instilled in us we want to make sure we know others know too, it's a pride thing I guess.

I've read a lot on this topic and different opinions and views. I feel like it's not a disassociation with being black- but more so one with being American.
AT least for me, I can't speak for others.

Just as if a European immigrant comes here- you can call them white, they're white wherever they are in the world. But they're just NOT American.

I'm from NYC- so anyone I know who comes here from other countries, make it known what country you are from. IE Jamaican, Russian, Haitian.

I LOVE everything in me that's African- you know how bland I'd be without it?

Good question- I didn't mean to offend people, just let them know where I was from. My race is Hispanic- or Latino (some people prefer one term over the other). My ancestry is primarily African- not "black".

It's just a words game.




I should probably think out my responses better. You can call me anti-American, which a lot of the time I can be in some cases, for example: Government.

I wasn't sure what pic to put in here, but here's me and my sis at New Year's. :D

MIsconceptions

Just recently I was told by a viewer that my weight loss was discouraging because I lost in a day what she loses in a week. So she will no longer be watching my videos.

o.0

Guess I'll roll up in a ball and cry my eyes out.

But in all seriousness, why should my weight loss have such a negative impact on someone else's life? Should I not lose as much, or even gain 20-30lbs to make someone else feel better about them self? It is apparent that the problem isn't me. I don't compare my weight loss to others. Any loss is good, whether it takes you a day or a year. I don't rock back and forth in a corner and cry when I see someone lose 20lbs a week on biggest loser.

People, grow up.

I mentioned in a video that I like to start a new challenge with laxative tea or maybe I should've said Green Tea, so it may have sounded like a healthy choice. Green tea sends you to the bathroom. Now I'm just some wannarexic laxative abuser who starves herself? Right...

I posted EVERYTHING on my blog- I don't know what else people are waiting for.

WHERE ARE THOSE BERRIES????? HUH- where are those magic berries I'm taking that I'm OBVIOUSLY keeping a secret from everyone because there's something else I must be doing other than what I've already mentioned.

Every magazine you buy in the store is FILLED with exercise and diet tips. Why don't you just do that?

Or fast with a lemonade diet?

Or do 1,000 crunches a day for a week until your abs are shreded.

The reason many of you don't do these things is because it is painful, and hard. Sorry but, I like to eat what I eat. If I know I'm on a diet, or challenge I eat less of my normal food.

Is that so hard? I don't eat salads, I HATE salads.

I don't eat 5 meals a day so I can take 4 shits a day either. I want to shrink my stomach, not make it bigger.

I DONT CARE WHAT YOU DO OR WHAT WORKS FOR YOU OR WHAT YOUR FRIEND DID OR WHAT YOUR DOCTOR AND JULLIAN MICHAELS SAID.

I've tried it all.

This is what works for me. I'm not going to change it because it makes you cry or feel bad etc. Find what works for YOU!

Maternal Blunders

So recently I was on the phone with my mother and was trying to get her to the see new apartment via Youtube. It takes forever because her computer skills aren't so great. She gets to my main page and clicks on the video of me talking at the gym. She says to me,

"How much do you weigh there?"

"138"

"Oh wow, that's too fat. You should be 120 max."



I'm not sure whether many of you know this or not but, I wasn't big too long before I decided to lose weight and go on Youtube. I gained weight freshman year of college and it didn't seem to budge, til I started posting and came here of course.

Throughout high school I maintained a weight from 114 to low 130s. Body changes a lot I found, from Freshman to Senior year of high school.

Anyway, even at my lowest weight I could always remember my mother calling me fat somehow. If I was eating something she thought I shouldn't have, she would comment how fat it will make me. She would often, especially during the years where we would fall out, not cook enough dinner for me because according to her, I was on a diet.

I was on a fast food and junk diet those days. Especially being a McSlave for 3 years in high school. I know several other girls/women have told me they had been verbally abused about their weight from their parents/family. What I am starting to wonder is, will I be the same to my kids?

Parenthood is mimetic. Not all the time. But most of our personality traits we obtain from our parents and whoever raised us.

I hate to admit, I am more like my mother than I'd like to be. I think she makes up a good 75% of me. I do get some logic from my brilliant father, but it seems she brings out the best and worst in me. I could 100% accurately say, she is the reason I have terrible body image- always have for as long as I can remember. I'm sure other influences didn't help either.

Would I do the same to my own children? I'm not so sure I wouldn't. However, my mother does the same to my brother, Patrick. He by no means a fat kid, but has a wide/muscular build, wide shoulders/chest. He could be a great football player someday- if we weren't Dominican and conditioned(forced) to play baseball. He's only eleven and the other day he says to me "Hey guess, what... I've lost a little weight."

What a horrible thing for a child to have on their mind. Children shouldn't be worried about their appearance too much. Especially something you can't control like- GENETiCS.

I've told her countless times not mention things like that to him. My youngest brother, Sam, is underweight. He plays in the Florida State All Star little league. They both play baseball and basketball, skateboard, ride bikes, Rollerblade... Things I was could never do at that age growing up in NYC. They're pretty active kids, both have picky eating habits- like normal kids.

So, what good would it do to tell your kid he's fat?

Is there no in between? For my mother you're fat until you're thin.

Sorry for the Lack of Posts

Things have been very very stressful, I've been going through a very tough time right now and weight loss is the last thing from my mind. My insecurities about my body and weight are still there. Weight loss will not make you happier or a better person so please learn to love and live with yourself now.

Some things will be going on in my life very soon. Very important changes that I will discuss once they occur. They may be for the better or for the worse.

However I a trying to maintain. I am currently between 137-140; which is perfectly fine by me. Remember I am still not at my goal weight, and once I reach my goal weight I plan to tone without gaining too much muscle weight- so my fat will hopefully go down. Especially in my upper body, arms, back, etc.

Let's do the Math!

The average American woman weighs 160lbs (159) and is 5'4.
She needs a balanced diet of 2,000 (1,965) calories to maintain her weight.

Now, cutting those calories in half would leave us with 1,000 calories to play with. This is plenty.

Mathematically, a woman of these stats would lose at LEAST half a pound a day. 3.5lbs in a week.


Having a poor diet.

I would label myself as someone who has a poor diet. I don't have balanced meals. Most meals I make are quick, lazy and microwavable. It is very important to eat a multitude of things. The food listed in previous blogs was last summer, not now. Now that you have these 1,000 calories to go with, make up some meals of your own. But make sure they are balanced and also make sure they are things you will MOST LIKELY COOK!

I discourage trying too new and different things unless you can actually do it for an extended period of time and you can a$$ord it.

No more cutting out bread and dairy, or eating only protein. Calculate things you already eat on a daily, and make your limits. You'll be more likely to stick to it if there are really no changes to what you're used to.

3.5lbs a week means nearly 15lbs a month- ONLY by means of dieting. Add exercise to the mix and you're set! There's no way any of you couldn't lose.

Whether or not you think this is too quickly or too slowly is up to you. If you want to lose a lb a week go ahead. My main issue with that is, when I don't see fast enough results, I just tend to lose interest and stop what I'm doing.

And think to yourself: How long have you been overweight? A lb a week would mean 52lbs a year. 52lbs would get many of us out of the "overweight" category- but we are still overweight? WHY?

Please remember, this time last year I JUST stepped out the "OBESE" category with a BMI of 30.1

No more baby steps- do something NOW.

At your Own Discretion

This blog is to be read at your own discretion. Anything said or commented will not impact my daily activities. Many people are curious as to how I lose weight and here it is. Tips from what I have been doing for over a year now. I am by no means a doctor. But I will be honest. Sorry if by honest it meant I wasn't shoving some juice fast, special berries or diet pills down your throat. I am a normal girl who could live off cereal for the rest of her life. I'm not telling anyone to do anything special except- WATCH WHAT YOU EAT!


I could eat all those hot dogs by the way. :D

What to Eat?!

There are many questions concerning with what I eat day to day during my challenge. The honest truth is, I eat anything I want really. I'm not big on selecting only certain things.

When I first started my bikini challenge and lost 30 lbs in 6 weeks I was calorie counting. About 2,100 calories maintained my weight at 192 lbs. So cutting that in half, I'd have to lose something, right?

I made myself a calorie limit of about 800-900 calories a day. This may not sound like much, but it is enough. REALLY.



Breakfast:

Exactly one cup of Raisin Bran with half a cup of Skim Milk (250 calories)
Bowl looks kinda empty huh?
That's ONE serving- deal with it!
or
1/2 cup of oatmeal with light sugar (Under 200 calories)



Lunch:

Whole wheat sandwich: 2 slices
Turkey Bologna, American Cheese and Mayo (about 320 calories)
Fruit/Cereal Bar (80)
Looks better than a burger right now~! I think the pic has guacamole, tomatoes, lettuce and bacon!
No subs or SUBWAY!



Dinner @ exactly 6pm:
1 chicken breast (any seasoning) NO SAUCES- Ketchup, BBQ, SOY etc.
Handful of frozen Veggies (30)


In TOTAL you are having about 750-900 calories. And it's enough. Not starving or just eating GREENS (boring!)


EXTRA TIPS

If you get hungry at any point and want some sort of snack- DON'T! Chill out on the snacks! Look what got you here in the first place! Eat at a controlled rate like this for two weeks and you get used to it. After awhile it's very filling, TOO filling.

I know it's repetitive but I did it for 6 weeks. I was a college student and didn't have time for looking up recipes and being creative and all that bullshit. I still don't have time for it now.

Oh yeah! WATER- I had 4 bottles of water a day (8 servings)
Refill water bottles as soon as they're done to save money!

I'd buy a family pack of boneless chicken breast, they're pretty thick so cut each breast in half. Season the WHOLE thing. Then individually Ziploc each piece. When you are ready to eat, grab one out the fridge and run the close bag under cold water for 2-3 minutes and you're good to go.

Premeasure the cereal. I bought tiny little containers with lids that could only hold about a cup. I lined up 7 at the beginning of every week.

You don't have to break the bank to diet or calorie count.

USE WHAT YOU HAVE!

Keeping it Off

It's the end of the first week and I have lost a total of 7lbs. Like I say in my videos, the first week is the easiest to lose. Now the trick is duplicating what I did and then some.


The #1 tip to losing weight and keeping it off is simple:

Ready?

WEIGH YOURSELF!

Weigh yourself everyday. There are people who say they don't do it because they don't want to become "obsessed" with the scale, but guess what? You need some sort of obsession with the scale if you want results to happen quickly. If you're one of those "I lose 1-2lbs a week" people- fine. Weigh yourself once a week and I'm sure you've done fine.

But not if you're trying to lose 20 in 14 days or a month even. There is nothing wrong with rapid weight loss. It is harder to maintain- but it's not impossible. Weighing yourself is the answer. Give yourself a 2-3 lbs range maybe (I do a 1-2) if you're at the same weight as yesterday, that's great! As long as you're not gaining.

Jackie Kennedy stayed between 124 and 130 her entire adult life. If she felt she was getting close to her 130 limit, she'd eat lightly for a day or two until her weight was where she wanted it to be.

Can't let yourselves gain 5, 10, 20 lbs! If you're already there, why give it all away?

Flabby Arms

Day 5 of 14

I've been gradually decreasing my food intake and have been kicking in the extra bits of exercise here and there. Crunches or leg lifts during commercials really help your abs. However, we all know that is not my problem. The problem are the arms. I've been doing presses against the wall- whatever they are called to see if I tone these arms up a bit.

To those girls who say they won't work out their arms because they don't want to get buff- cut the shit. We all know it is NOT that easy to have buff arms. I swear Jillian Michaels does steroids and a half to get arms like that. So let's cut the girly crap cause we all know how great it looks on a woman when she has nice tone shoulders, collar, and arms. Michelle Obama and Rhianna are perfect examples of women who have tight slim arms. And they wear it well!!


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Ultimate Goal Weight Challenge

So recently on Youtube I started an Ultimate Goal Weight Challenge. Now- my scale batteries have run out and I need to go replace them before weigh in today.

I haven't gotten off to a great start. I've had Oatmeal for breakfast every morning with light sugar. Followed by a light Lunch, like a whole wheat turkey sandwich. Dinner usually is a thing of the past during a challenge. Typically if I am hungry by dinner time I have some Special K or some pieces of fruit. Eventually to get used to eating smaller portions.

Like I said in my last video, dieting is emotionally draining. Making videos on youtube have been my outlet this whole time. So maybe many people who may watch and not post videos have a slight disadvantage.

I'm not sure where I am weighing at the moment but I am hoping it's below 148. SW was 152. I have 10 days to lose 20 lbs or so. I really need to get moving.


Don't forget to visit our YouTube Group Blog

Starting New

Hello!

I'm sure most of you are here because you know me as Tearsonmypillow87 or Tearsnomore87 on YouTube. I am starting this blog to make it easier for you guys to keep up with me! There have been many questions as to what I did to lose weight, how to start weight loss of your own or just finish off what you've got going.

I'll start by saying you have to find your own medium of happiness. Losing weight will NOT magically make problems or deep seeded feelings magically disappear. Sure, it may be one less thing to worry about. However, you should not identify YOU, the person, as a number on a scale or tape measure.

So if you're one of those people who think weight loss will be the end-all-be-all solution to your problems, then it is NOT for you. But if you know there are much greater things to accomplish in this life regardless of the results of your success, prepare yourself for a very long, tumultuous and fruitful journey.

Most to all information will be based on personal experience. I am by NO means an expert on weight loss. I just so happened to lose 50lbs over the course of 2008 and would like to share it with the rest of you.

Hope this helps!

~Kussy