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Sunday, October 11, 2009

Maternal Blunders


So recently I was on the phone with my mother and was trying to get her to the see new apartment via Youtube. It takes forever because her computer skills aren't so great. She gets to my main page and clicks on the video of me talking at the gym. She says to me,

"How much do you weigh there?"

"138"

"Oh wow, that's too fat. You should be 120 max."



I'm not sure whether many of you know this or not but, I wasn't big too long before I decided to lose weight and go on Youtube. I gained weight freshman year of college and it didn't seem to budge, til I started posting and came here of course.

Throughout high school I maintained a weight from 114 to low 130s. Body changes a lot I found, from Freshman to Senior year of high school.

Anyway, even at my lowest weight I could always remember my mother calling me fat somehow. If I was eating something she thought I shouldn't have, she would comment how fat it will make me. She would often, especially during the years where we would fall out, not cook enough dinner for me because according to her, I was on a diet.

I was on a fast food and junk diet those days. Especially being a McSlave for 3 years in high school. I know several other girls/women have told me they had been verbally abused about their weight from their parents/family. What I am starting to wonder is, will I be the same to my kids?

Parenthood is mimetic. Not all the time. But most of our personality traits we obtain from our parents and whoever raised us.

I hate to admit, I am more like my mother than I'd like to be. I think she makes up a good 75% of me. I do get some logic from my brilliant father, but it seems she brings out the best and worst in me. I could 100% accurately say, she is the reason I have terrible body image- always have for as long as I can remember. I'm sure other influences didn't help either.

Would I do the same to my own children? I'm not so sure I wouldn't. However, my mother does the same to my brother, Patrick. He by no means a fat kid, but has a wide/muscular build, wide shoulders/chest. He could be a great football player someday- if we weren't Dominican and conditioned(forced) to play baseball. He's only eleven and the other day he says to me "Hey guess, what... I've lost a little weight."

What a horrible thing for a child to have on their mind. Children shouldn't be worried about their appearance too much. Especially something you can't control like- GENETiCS.

I've told her countless times not mention things like that to him. My youngest brother, Sam, is underweight. He plays in the Florida State All Star little league. They both play baseball and basketball, skateboard, ride bikes, Rollerblade... Things I was could never do at that age growing up in NYC. They're pretty active kids, both have picky eating habits- like normal kids.

So, what good would it do to tell your kid he's fat?

Is there no in between? For my mother you're fat until you're thin.

19 comments:

  1. Does your mom have disordered eating? I find it preety cold the way she lectures you about your weight.

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  2. Hi! i just found your blog and am so drawn to it because I myself have body issues...definitely stemming from the things my mom has said as well. I'll be visiting more often as I'm trying to get my weight back in check too. My lowest was 126 and I looked really skinny but I know my happy weight is 130-135. Right now I'm 158!! I watch my calorie intake during the week but on the weekends I eat whatever but I know I need to limit that to just one day. Any-hoo, keep up the good work! And i'll keep logging on for inspiration!

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  3. I have always weighed alot more than I rightfully should and my mother used to lecture me about my weight even if I weighed less than she did. she is the exact same way... either you are fat or you are thin... and most of the time, it will be that you are fat. I still live at home since I'm going to school and every once and a while I'll come home to her saying that she didn't cook dinner for me because I probably had something fattening for lunch so I shouldn't have anything unless it was like a piece of fruit... even now I'm losing weight. I'm down about 18 lbs from my highest weight and still she will say that I am too fat. she is someone who won't go out and walk more than half a mile, talking to someone who goes out running for like 3 miles every few days. and as terrible as it is. I know that she does this to me because she was always picked on by her sisters because she was the biggest... we will always learn from our surroundings. and I know as much as I don't want to, when I have kids when they piss me off so much that I don't know what to do, I'll revert back to what she used to do because that's how I know how to deal with that.

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  4. wow that is really rough. my dad used to make comments like that to me. i don't think u need to worry so much about treating your kids like that. the big difference between you and your mom is that you see how it's wrong and hurtful. she doesn't see it that way and probably never will. remember your doing this for yourself not her.

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  5. I also am dominican and I can say my mom treats me the same way. When she buys a pie of pizza everyone can eat as much slices as they want but when it comes to me she questions me and is always like "you shouldn't eat this" or wow 2 slices. just dumb shit. it just seems like i wil never please here even if i get down to 110 pounds she will find a way to make me feel like shit. all you need to know is it dosen't matter what your mom thinks you should weigh or what you should look like. Its your body you don't need to please anyone but yourself.

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  6. A parent can encourage a healthy lifestyle without overtly telling a child that he or she is fat. The parent can offer their child healthy food choices like feeding them fruits as snacks instead of feeding them cookies and cakes. A parent could enforce a rule that this is a "no fast food" household. You don't have to tell your child they're fat. And you may not necessarily become like your mom. Being aware of the possibility is enough to make you change directions. And it is clear that you are in control of your own life since you have been able to take control of your weight loss and run this blog and youtube channel so effectively. You can take control of this aspect of your life as well and make a vow not to subject your children to what your mother subjected you too.

    Good luck!

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  7. I was always 120-130 throughout high school, and then when I hit college I gained about 60lbs and by the time I graduated I was 204. So growing up and throughout my life I was always thin and I absolutely feel like a fatty-fat pig now. When I look in the mirror I just don't recognize myself!! I am very envious of a girl who is the same age as I am(mid 20's) she graduated college, immediatly got married to a hot guy, they just had a baby and she's still 110 lbs :( and here I am..no husband, or baby and all fat, like I have a degree, but is that an excuse. blame it all on college? she managed to breeze through 4 yrs w/o gaining a lb. hey may be eating choices weren't pizza and wings at midnight like mine..etc. but it's just sad. The average american starts dieting at age 7 or 8 some studies show both little girls and boys(although with boys its more secretive) I wish I could loose the weight like you did. congrats!

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  8. I have the same issue with my parents. But mines is with my father. He always comments like should you really be eating that or these snacks are for everyone but you, your on a diet. I mean I may be the same way but I wont just call my kids fat,no, i'll like take them to do physical stuff and teach them healthy eating.

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  9. i am totally looking in the mirror by reading this post. my grandmother always tells me and my sister oh wow you're fat you shouldnt be eating that. and i've been hearing this for a long time at a very early age. i was thin in highschool also but i didnt think i was. but now i look back and i was just perfect for myself. i also gained weight once i graduated hs and went to college.

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  10. My family has the same issues! I'm not allowed to go over 115. I remember a couple of days ago, my uncle got me a bunch of these dresses for me from BCBG. I called him up to tell him that I couldn't fit into them, and he started spazzing out!! I wish ppl could just realize that it's not necessarily what weight you are at, it's moreso the healthy lifestyle/habits that you create for yourself and upkeep. :)

    Btw, you're really pretty, don't let what your mama say get to you. Just live your life and be happy!

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  11. WoW...babygirl, I don't know what to say! I just stumbled across your blog and saw this post. I want to call your mother and chew her out...in fact all the mother's from the comments on this post. You wonder why so many girls have such low self images of themselves. Man, as a 30 something year old woman I have learned that you don't need the help of people who supposedly love you to develop a poor self image, you do that all by yourself, by compairing yourself to other girls in your age group, the media, what you see in magazines, etc... I challenge each of you to develope a better self image for YOU! If you have to get up every morning, look in your mirror and say, "I Love Myself", because that is were it starts... if you continue to allow someone to speak negativity in your life that is what you will become, don't let ANYONE do that to you. Let your mothers know, if they don't have anything nice or productive to add to you, then you would prefer that they not say anything at all. You have to demand this into your life. This whole blog is just making me so MAD! I don't even know any of you ladies and I bet you are the most beautifulist things in the world and how dare someone (even if it is your family) tare you down because they have a poor image of themselves.

    Well, I think I've imparted enough of my wisdom... all you girls, please learn to love yourselves, with all you glory... because you are SEXY!!!! AND you better know it.

    I love you all! Be Blessed!

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  12. That's funny cause my mom says I'm too skinny even though I'm 150lbs!

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  13. I can definitely relate to you. My parents were the same way and always commented on how big my hips/butt were...even when I was at my lowest weight in high school of 113 lbs (5'6 height) they still made comments about how big i was but it really was genetics that gave me hips like that. I remember never thinking I was skinny even at that weight. Ironically my mother has always been a larger woman and has had crazy yo-yo dieting..she'd lose then gain most of it back soon after... I think the best thing to do for our children is have a more positive mindset on healthy eating with portion control (not starving yourself!) and being active. Our weight will change gradually and so will our perspective on healthy weight. That is what I want to instill in my children.. I don't want them to think being a skeleton is the only way to be healthy.

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  14. Thanks for all your supportive comments!

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  15. I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's sad but when I visited my parents at Christmas and my mother was suddenly confronted with her age (because I look like her and am so much younger) I didn't feel bad. She caused me to have quite a few weight issues and now I do this for myself. I remember when I was in 5th grade and she told me I was fat...like WTF was she thinking? Anyway, you are gorgeous, do you!

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  16. I feel the same. My stepdad used to call me skinny minnie when I was a little girl, then when I was around preteen age he started calling me big burtha because I was getting bigger. I always had body issues but it got worse when I was middle school, high school age.

    I dont understand your mother you lost a lot of weight, you would think she would be proud of your progress and getting closer to your goal weight. Anyways I like you videos and im a subscriber of yours. Take care.

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  17. My mother did the same thing to me. It's wrong to do that to kids. I hope you have the same attitude about your brothers with your own children...even if you have GIRLS, they'll get the message from magazine, TV, and other kids. Sad but true. Just set a good example.

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  18. i have 3 children of my own. i have an active eating disorder - anorexic with bulimic tendencies to be exact. one thing i have found for me and mine is that i do NOT want them to go through what i have been through and am dealing with now. So to help i have done numerous courses with USDA and dieticians. i also have routine dr visits for them - just to chck healh all around. if i am concerned about their weight or something - i can talk to the dr about it when they are not in the room. i want to protect my children. from what you have written - i think you will be very protective of your children and do not have to worry about whether you would treat your children like that. besides - you are aware of those comments and how to hurt you some things we do re-do as parents but one thing i would never do is belittle my children for their weight or eating too much. i do have to catch myself occassionally telling them they have not eaten enough or they are too thin.. when this happens i have to take a step bcak - breath and start over.

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  19. i feel like that's every mom, idk wth is their problem. sometimes even they're overweight but thats ok because they're married and had kids? it's a load of crap lol. thru the years you learn to ignore it i guess o.O

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