Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Have you heard of this new thing called FITSPO?

Thin is so out and FIT is in! This is amazing because now people can focus more on their physical health in addition to their appearance.

I haven't updated this blog in FOREVER and I will try to post something several times a week if possible.


Tomorrow will be 3 weeks post-op and just 2 days ago the pain have decrease severely. I am not in constant agony like before. The swelling has gone down significantly and the implants are starting to drop into place. I think the size is PERFECT for my body. I will do a body shot soon so you guys can see. I am measuring at a DDD. However, people are guessing my cup size to be C/D in clothes. Exactly what I wanted.

Bad News: Immediately after surgery I weighed in at 132! Holy fuck, I hadn't seen that number in years. Most of it was due to swelling, constipation from percocets and doing very little activity.

Today I weighed in at 127. The implants are an additional 2-3 lbs. So I am slowly getting back to the weight I was previously.

The important thing to me now is being FIT- Total body reconstruction. Getting stronger, leaner and more solid. It looks better, it's healthier and it feels so good to be active!

How hot is this?!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

2011 Bikini Challenge Rules

You MUST make videos. Even if they're just text videos. Make videos will keep you motivated. Youtube has help me lose so much weight and the trick is to keep making videos even when you gain. I only lost about 10 lbs in 2009, it was very frustrating, but I kept making videos.

6 Video Minimum. You need to have one starting weight video, one final video and at least 4 video updates. You can start whenever or post whenever. It's up to you. Challenge ends June 1st.

You don't have to make a video response to my videos. But you can if you'd like. Do whatever gets you the most views.

If you happen to gain, don't stop making your videos, please. Just stick through it and try to share what's going on. Remember you make videos for yourself and no one else.

Try not to wait for a response from me to get started. Do your own thing.

Be creative. And be supportive of all the other people in the challenge. It's nice to have encouragement and I love seeing when you all support each other so much.

Remember, I don't get to vote for the winner whatsoever. So lbs don't matter. It really IS a popularity contest. :D

Also, don't let haters get to you. These faceless youtube wannabes should have nothing to do with you and your weight loss.

Good luck! And stay positive. Find what works for you and stick to it.

Also- Be healthy!

Friday, February 25, 2011

This is YOU

This is YOU:

SW: 150

It's MONDAY and you want- no, NEED to lose 5 lbs by Saturday because you're going out with some friends you haven't seen in a while. You spend your ENTIRE WEEK focused on the 5 lbs, you eat, breath and think 5 lbs. Come Saturday, you've lost 3.5 lbs. You're a little dissappointed- because of course, your goal was 5 lbs in 5 days. (Which isn't likely, but not impossible) However, you worked your ass off and you're 3.5 lbs lighter than 4 days ago!

The evening went well last Saturday. You pigged out and ate like shit. That's cool. You get on the scale Sunday morning and you're up 1.5 lbs (Mostly because you've yet to shit the crappy food you just ate). Puts your weight loss at -2 lbs instead of -3.5, when -5 was the goal to begin with. Still, It's all good.

So, you decide to rest for a little while. Last week's eating healthy kicked your ass, and you'll just take a little break. But there was this ADORABLE guy there last Saturday and he just added you on facebook that night and you start chatting. He says "We should hang out sometime." and you say "Maybe, I'll let you know if I'm up for anything" (because you're playing hard to get). He tells you a few of his friends are going bowling Friday and you should stop by if you can.

BUT you just gained 1.5 lbs and the last way you want to be viewed is from behind. Soooo 5lbs again this time. But this time you're gonna lose it for sure! Oh, someone just brought home pizza, so you're starting TOMORROW. :D

This time you're thinking, it wouldn't kill you to the hit the gym. You plan on going to the gym for one hour every day that week. You go Monday, for- well, almost an hour. Then again Tuesday, this time for about 35 minutes. Wednesday you're sore as hell and there's NO WAY you're going to the dumb gym now. Thursday you don't make it to the gym because it's too cold outside and you just feel like going home. So you do some sit-ups and leg squats. Friday morning comes and you've lost 4 lbs! (Keep in mind 1.5 of those you had already lost last week, so you reallt lost 2.5 lbs).

That adorable guy, is now being a dick in front of his buds and you can't believe you made the trip out there. But you did have a nice conversation with of his friends. Plus you weren't the worst bowler, which only helps your cause...

So far it's been two weeks and you're now at 144. not too shabby, girl.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why Variety Doesn't Work

I know when you're starting a new diet, it can be very exciting. You're making all these lists of foods you can and can't eat, adding up calories, throwing away stuff that shouldn't be in your fridge, keeping a journal recording your food/ exercise regime. Maybe you can do it for a week or two, or maybe even a month. Let's be honest, if we kept this up more than a month we wouldn't really be here...

The reason why this kind of excessive planning doesn't work, is because it's too much work!!! I feel the easiest way to actually be able to stay on point with the calorie count without cheating here and there is to have the same thing every single day. It’s easier on your mind and your budget.

YES- It’s boring- and it will get old. But do this for TWO weeks. Only two weeks, and you will see a major difference in the quantity of food you can eat. Give your body just enough time to adjust to the decrease in calories before trying anything fancy. And when you do, take it slow.

This way you can’t have something you’re not supposed to. You only buy just enough to last you a week or two; this way there’s no excess food lying around the house.

SNACKS: Honestly, I don’t think you should be snacking during this time. Even if it’s within your daily calorie limits. We need to get around this impulse we have to be constantly eating/snacking throughout the day. I know I tend to snack out of boredom, or because I think I’m hungry when I’m really not, or if it’s just been a while since my last meal.

How many of you eat lunch and think about what you’re going to make for dinner? BAD BAD BAD- We need to rewire or brains a little. I know “5 small meals a day speed up your metabolism blah blah blah-“ Fuck metabolism. If you get used to 5 small meals a day, you’re teaching your body to be constantly hungry. And if ONE DAY, you have shitty foods laying around- there goes 3-4k calories in a day. We are not perfect.

Besides, like I’ve said before- WHO has the time and energy to worry about 5 meals. 3 is hard enough to keep track of.

Eat to live, not the other way around.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Where the FUCK have I been?!!!

Haha- Working.
Maintaining my weight has been a pretty consistent. Sometimes I'm around 124 and other times I'm at 120. I didn't spend too much time in the 110's, maybe one day I will be in that group, however I'm in no rush. I'm a size zero, my boobs are tinier than they've ever been and my ass is non-existent. BAH- it is what it is.

I'll address this one thing because for some reason I've been getting a lot of questions about it. Usually the question sounds something like this:

"I heard ____ types of food will help in weight loss. I am planning on doing something starting ___ day. Did you ever eat ___?"

Sorry guys, there is NOTHING I have done that I haven't already said. If you ask me different types of questions hoping I'll say YES! I FORGOT- I ATE THAT! won't really get much of a response.

I counted calories. All I did. Ate all the foods I normally ate. Just counted calories. Nothing special or special foods or specific exercise routines.

Don't OVERTHINK it. Just DO IT. You can spend HOURS planning out your steps to achieve weight loss success. Yes, it's very very ambitious. But how many times have you done it in the past? Don't start Tuesday, or next month or new years. Start now!

What are you waiting for?

I know some of you who are my facebook friends have already seen my costume...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Weightloss Countdown

Today I went to the gym for the first time in a month! Yah- horrible. I'm at 132 currently and will make a video at every goal weight reached.

118 is my UGW- I'm hoping to stay in the 120-126 range once I'm done. 118 is the absolute lowest I should go for my height. I don't care to be much lower than that.

Sorry for the lack of posts. Things are going very well. Phil and I are great. I was in Orlando visiting my Mom two weeks ago and had a BBQ here at the house this las 4th of July with my Dad's side. BBQ wasn't too great- family can be much of a pain sometimes.

What have you all been up to?

SORRY IF I DONT RETURN YOUR MESSAGE ON YOUTUBE! I get many messages and most of them ask questions I've already answered here on the blog somehow. I don't need exercise buddies- and neither do you!

I will try to post some new pics. We've had quite a bit going on lately. But all in all it's life is good! :D

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Who made it? 22 of 86? Disgusting.

If your name was on the original challenge list and not on this one I am SERIOUSLY disappointed in you. Yes, you! I don't wanna hear it. HELP ME, I NEED THIS CHALLENGE PLEASE.


ANYWAY- If you did complete the 2 month challenge- and trust me, it's NOT easy to complete a two month challenge. Congrats! I am so so so proud of all of you who stuck through it all, made your videos and continued with the weight loss. I am also seeing how people voted and am very happy with the wonderful comments you've made about each other.

Here's the final list only 22 of 86 people finished!


"Oh tearsnomore you're so mean, you don't know what people have going on in their lives or their current situations or how their bf broke up with them or their dog died or they were having money problems, and didn't have the time, and their family came from Timbuktu and they had to go out to dinner several nights in a row, and they were sick on their period and their computer/mic/keyboard/mouse/screen camera broke and couldn't post a video. Personally, my fridge turned into an evil robot that force fed me. But you wouldn't know about any of that, cause you're still a bitch"

It's TearsNOMORE now- so save me the tears.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


So you've been working out and eating right and everything seems to be going as planned. Mainly you know because of how miserably tired and hungry you feel.

You get on the scale thinking "I must've lost at least 100 lbs this week."

But then you're +2 lbs or +5 lbs. After a big WTF and getting on again. Nothing. You take the scale battery out and put it back in- HA! The scale is your arch nemesis and your best friend. That bitch!

Oh well, time to give up. You've tried as hard as you can and this is a serious plateau, there's not much else you can do.

HA! If you agreed to the above statement, you are NOT ready to lose weight. Most weeks you lose, but others you gain. It's inevitable.

But here's a trick- wait for a big poop! jk.

There is no trick. Just keep doing what your doing, if your plateau is making you become frenemies with your scale, try something different.

BUT I LIKE ROUTINE! Pick a new routine, cut a little more carbs or workout a little longer.

You know they say when you work out you gain muscle so you should never weigh yourself anyway? It's semi true. It's good to measure and see how stuff fits, but don't stop weighing in.

I gained 2 lbs this week- GRRrrr- but in a couple days I could lose 4lbs- just waiting on that really big poop!

Monday, April 26, 2010

WOW! ~ Thanks!~

I'm absolutely floored on how many wonderful, helpful and just plain fantastic responses I received on my last video- the one where I was stressing over work.

Don't take this offensively you guys, but I am quite SHOCKED on how many bright, intelligent people you are. The comments on this video were so insightful and I am truly thankful to have so many support when I felt like I REEEEEEEALLY needed it, like last week.

I am glad to say I feel much better and more at ease. I am not going to let work get a hold over me anymore.

The only way I can ever truly do anything is by psyching myself out. Weight loss and all- tricks I play on myself to make myself think working out really IS fun or I DON'T need seconds for dinner. My new one, for work, is "There IS no bonus". This is my last week for the month and it's looking good! :D But I'm done. I'm done worrying- just plain done.

THANK YOU! Really. I am never one to give a false compliment, I received so many great responses I wouldn't even know how to begin to thank each and every person. (Especially my pals who made video responses- how cool is that!)

I want to open up the conversation lines a little bit. Not just this weight loss stuff- weight is only 1 part of who you are. And is it really who you are? I want to pick your brains! About EVERYTHING! Money, sex, school, work, life, love- ALL. I feel so much closer to everyone now. believe it or not I only give surface info to most. I wouldn't have even discussed that with a friend! But I told you all!

Let's open the topics and get our minds off scales for a bit...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

New Goal

My new goal weight is 118lbs. Mainly because I know I won't stay there and I am hoping to fall in the 120-124lbs range. 126 will be my max.

I'm currently 128, so I have exactly 10 lbs to go.

It's getting increasingly more difficult to lose. Sometimes I wish I were 180 again and be able to lose 10,15,20 lbs in a month.

People get on my case a lot but don't seem to realize I've only really lost about 15 lbs in the last year.

We can't become complacent. People say "You look fine! Why keep losing?"

Well, because I started something I want to finish.

How easy would it have been to have stopped at 140 or 150.

The reason I push myself so hard is because it becomes harder and harder to lose as you go. Plateaus, people telling you you look good, you thinking you look good and take a break and gain 5 lbs in a few weeks.

Don't start something you can't finish. Don't make promises you can't keep, especially to yourself.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Bikram Yoga

We have a quarterly schedule change based on performance. I'm excited to see my rank tomorrow. Hopefully I am in the top 20. Its out of 150+ people and 30% of your score is senority.

We'll see! Anyway, this means I would get top pick on my new shift. Right now I do evening shifts, which makes it difficult to see Phil after he gets home from work. I'm going to go for regular 8-5 as my top choice. There's 7,8,9,10am shifts so I have a very good chance of landing one of those.

I am mostly excited because this gives me some time to do things I usually want to do when Phil's here (he's the one with a car).

YOGA- I am going to try Bikram yoga again. I used to do it a ton back in Buffalo when I first started on my weight loss journey. Once I lost 17lbs in a 3 weeks just by going. It tones you like crazy. I am excited to start, it's expensive here. I think about $20-$25 a class. But it's worth it.

Anyone up for going with me in the area? I'd go to the Columbia, MD site.

I like morning yoga, but I think I could only be able to do evening classes. My new schedule will take affect May 3rd. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

At 185 I used to be able to do this backward bend pretty well... I think I have a video of when I first learned it.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Bikini Challenge Turnout


The turnout for this contest is AMAZING!!! People are popping out of the woodwork, old and new..

I'm so so so so so proud of EVERYONE who is joining AND especially those people who are making a video for the first time and it's in a BIKINI!

Way to have balls! I absolutely LOVE IT. I wore a bikini at 190 to the beach, who cares? Don't wanna look? Close your eyes. I want you all to fee comfortable and LOVE yourself no matter what. There is more to people than appearance and losing weight shouldn't be the MOST IMPORTANT thing. Although it is pretty up there for many of us, myself included.

Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to keep track of everyone's progress. Maybe a forum? Any ideas?

I'm going to keep my own chart- If you say you're in, your ass IN! And you BETTER make a video before the 15th!

I'll make a list of usernames on here and if you drop or leave the contest I'll put a big fat X, by your name. It's not too late! You still have time!!!

WORK IT! Like this girl below, she looks amazing.

One more thing you guys, DON'T workout AND have 900 calories at the same time. It's crazy. I did 900 calories in summer of 2008. But I am more active now so I eat more because I burn more. What's MOST important is that you BURN more than you eat. Please be healthy.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Cheerleader Envy and BMI Charts

Ok, so last night we got some free tickets to the Wizards game. My family was visiting from Orlando for the weekend. Phil's sister's husband does their PR which is pretty awesome.

The cheerleaders- they weren't all that great but their bodies were very nice. I was majorly jealous. They were all like 5'8-5'10 and teenie. You can't really compare your body to someone else because we all lose and gain in different areas. I'm sure they all had pretty similar stats as far as height,weight, measurements, etc. But they were all different shapes, torso length, musculature.

Anyway, I was majorly jealous because they were shaking around and all and NOT JIGGLING. I want that. You could tell they work out like crazy. Well, compared to me at least. Phil said I kept staring at them. I told him I wanted implants. Which I usually half-jokingly mention from time to time.

I went from a D to a small B cup. :( AND- My boobs were perkier when I was bigger.

Here's a picture of my brother, Patrick, with one of the cheerleaders.


It has everything you need to know. It's a very thorough BMI calculator. Tells you everything you need to know- calorie intake/activity level. What lines you should and should not cross.

*** Note: The daily calorie intake on that site will never tell you to have less than 1200 calories. So if you do get 1,200, it's probably lower. So just increase your activity or decrease your calories.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Bikini Challenge Contest

Yay! It's the 3rd Annual Bikini Contest!

I am doing this challenge because it's everyone favorite and it's the biggest one really. Two months. April 1st-June1st. Can't join contest end of it after April 15th to make it fair.

There will be two winners and we will all get to vote on the winner.

I thought about prizes and I know it might be hoaky, but I will buy each winner $100 worth of swim wear from Victoria's Secret (wherever else they'd like). Or maybe gift card or something. But it's $100 of free swim stuff! Who doesn't want that?!


Doesn't matter how many subscribers you have.
Doesn't matter how much weight you lose.

You have to make a post at least once a week- 6 minimum.
You must have a goal weight in mind by the end of the challenge.
You MUST do body shots, not just your gorgeous faces!
Make it fun and exciting- not like my boring old videos.
I won't pick the winners, I only pick who qualifies to be voted on at the end.
Then I'll make a video letting everyone know who that is.

I know 312897124098124 will tell me their joining and only 3 will actually do these things.

SO- Prove me wrong! Are you in?

Send me a message on Youtube.

Here are the swimsuits I'm looking to get this summer:

Thursday, March 11, 2010

FAQ- Real questions, Real Answers

I weigh ___ and I want to get to ___ by ____ date. Do you think I can?

I don't know- I'm not psychic. You can get anywhere you'd like if you work hard.

You lose a lot of weight, how much do you lose in a week?

I've been on this for 2 years and have only lost a little over 60 lbs. I need to lose big and then spend some time keeping it off. Your body needs to adjust. If I lose a lb a week for 2 years, it would've been 104 lbs by now. If I don't lose big, I lose interest, get bored, quit, etc. I only lose while on challenges, so I take advantage of the time and try to lose as much as possible.

I need help. How do I lose weight? Tell me something- ANYTHING!

LOL- see? How do you answer something like this? I have a ton of videos plus blog posts. If you really need to be spoon fed the whole step of the way, go watch those other youtubers who think they're nutritionists cause they've lost 20 lbs. The ones that tell you you're AMAZING and hold your hand the whole way. Losing weight isn't easy, just do it and get it done.

How do you lose weight in your stomach?

Our bodies are built differently, we all lose and gain in different areas. My stomach is the least of my worries. I can't control where I'm predisposed to lose or gain. It's like saying "How can I get my face to look like yours?". No one's gonna say that- I naturally have a big round face.

Really? 900 calories? That's too low for me.

You should never go from 2000 to 900 calories. That's basically starving yourself. You can ease into it. Cut 100 calories a week and you can't even tell the difference. Stay where you're comfortable. 900-2000. Doesn't really matter, but the more you eat, the more exercise you need.

What kind of exercise do you do?

Honestly, I don't do very much exercise at all until now my new Gym challenge. In the gym I just get on stuff long enough until I get bored enough to leave. If I told you I did 20 reps of this or that; would you really do it? There are tons of magazines and websites with this information. Sorry it feels like I'm dodging questions- I just don't like bullshitting people. "Well I like to run 60 mins then I'll do 10,000 crunches and 5,000 squats..." See? Just pointless, you're gonna end up doing your own thing anyway regardless of my routine.

How did you get rid of cellulite and stretch marks?

I didn't! I have tons of stretch marks, especially on my arms. I JUST recently got cellulite on my ass, but the gym has been helping.

What's the difference between you being on a challenge and being off one?

Very good question I thought. On a challenge I'm either restricting or exercising. Typically it's restricting. I don't gain it back because I don't binge once I'm off like a mad person. OMG I WAS DIETING A WEEK AND NOW IM SOOO HUNGRY SO IM GONNA EAT EVERYTHING. It's hard to get used to but you have to do everything in moderation. Phil and I have a fast food at least 2 times a week. So doesn't mean you CAN'T do some things, just expect to eat normally the next few days.

I've been water fasting and it's really hard any tips?


What kind of foods do you eat?

This is a lot like the exercise question. Really, would you go out and buy something because I told you to? I have anything, nothing special. Just count the calories and you'll be fine.

I can't think of any other- If you have anymore let me know.

Monday, March 1, 2010

No Energy

Lately I've felt like I've had no energy to do anything. I was going to start a challenge for March... well I still can and make myself do it. But I don't feel on board. I was going to do like a 10 day Toning Challenge. See how much I can tone in 10 days.

Why 10 days? Well it's short and quick, and it makes me work harder for a shorter period of time. If I do 30 days it'll never get done.

But I lack so much energy lately, it's frustrating. I'm usually pumped for my challenges. Maybe I'm getting my period? Who knows. I'm all sore like I've been doing stuff, but I really haven't. I've had Phil apply IceyHot to my back on more than one occasion this week. I feel old.

I need to do a challenge. Get off my ass. Thanks, writing this helped!

Friday, February 19, 2010

I'm not Oprah

"You may not feel like you've changed, because like you said, You only just recently gained weight, you don't know what it feels like to get picked on in elementary school, low confidence though high school. You have NO idea. So before you go and shatter your viewers dreams that they will still be STILL insecure and STILL be shy and lonely, REMEMBER that for some people the only thing stopping them from releasing is their WEIGHT. I have personally felt the difference when I lost 50 lbs. I was more confidence, less shy, and felt like I was able to get out there because I finally for ONCE in my life I felt comfortable with myself and my body and Because of that -- I didn't care what people thought anymore because I knew I was where I wanted to be and that made me come out of my shell . Losing weight CAN change you as a person, and change your outlook on life, so please don't tell people they will still be miserable and sad and what ever. I know you said you don't reply... and honestly I almost never comment. UNLESS...its something I feel very strongly about. I honestly don' t know for myself, but unless I was stuck in my shell my whole life, and the person I am now was hiding in there-- I dont know but losing weight really did make me come out and totally change as a person for the better."

~A viewer.

I won't say who this was because I honestly think she thought she was being sincere. This is one person's perspective.

Would it help you all if I said...




Sorry- I don't remember telling people they will be miserable and sad if they lose weight. I remember saying, any deep seeded issues you have won't magically disappear.

If you have confidence issues, you need to work on it NOW.
Not Later.

Let's chill out a little.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Don't like a 900 Calorie Diet?

I don't care.

Have a pop-tart- that'll put you at 1,200.

Or have a class of juice- BAM 1,200.

Have a health bar...

Getting the point?

Are we really going to keep going on and on about 1,200 calorie metabolism?

Don't like my diet plan? Add stuff to it- make it your own.

I need consistency. Something that will keep me on track- at least for the weekdays. Weekends I tend to be a little more lax.

Train your stomach- shrink it. Don't think about food.

DON'T keep a food diary- it just makes your hungry and it drives you CRAZY. "But a food diary helps me blah blah blah." Ok- awesome. And? If you've ever tried to keep one, how long has that lasted? A week- at best.

DON'T take diet pills. NO NO NO. They're super ineffective, they give you really nasty side effects and you end up wasting time and money. Although it seems like you may be losing weight the first week- it's all lies. And you won't keep it off.

DON'T become a crazy wannarexic knowing you weigh 160+ You'll get there soon enough, if you constantly watch 95lb girl thinspo, it just gets more and more frustrating if you aren't seeing results a certain week. Stick to your 10lbs increments.

spread out losing 10 lbs over a month. That's just silly. Way to say "I'm too afraid to push myself, and don't want to be dissappointed, so I'll let this weight stay on me as long as possible."
Let me ask you- how long have you been on a diet? Forever? I thought so.

DON'T stop making videos! Videos and youtube keeps you going. Best part about it- it's FREE. Speaking of free...

DON'T buy bullshit you see on tv or in stores: workout dvds, equipment, diet plan systems, atkins book. There's a ton of FREE information online. It's hard not too. I really want to get that Shakeweight dumb thing- but I won't. I'll try reeeeally hard not to.

DON'T starve yourself. You won't last that long and your weight loss WILL NOT be permanent. Fasting is a "healthy" way of saying starve. And even if you do fast- make sure you easy into it. Not BINGE because it's your last day before the fast.

DON'T BINGE- My biggest problem ever. I eat a lot! A ton! Ask Phil. I eat so much and it's disgusting how much I can put away. But then doing that puts my weight loss at a stand still for a few days and then maybe in a few days I can start from square one. If you've been reeeally good, it's ok to be bad once in a while. But not ONCE A WEEK. Or once a day (after midnight) like me. How many of you out there are late night eaters? I was on the phone with Manny0219 a few weeks ago, and it was 3am, she was like "What are you doing?" and I said "Making mac and cheese". And I ate the whole thing on the phone too. A mac and cheese box is 3-4 servings. Just cause it's all in one BOWL doesn't make it one serving. :(

DON'T complain about being fat. EVER. Guys hate this particularly and it just irritates most people. It makes them feel forced to say something they may not really think like "No, you're not fat." If you think you're fat, hearing you're not won't make it better. Then why mention it. I say it to Phil all the time. But it is really annoying. I've dated some guys who have said "Man, I love how you just never complain about your body. You're just confident" When really I'm not, I just don't say it aloud. Well to Phil now cause I feel comfortable enough with him. Recently he told me not to complain anymore if I'm going to keep eating like shit. He said "I don't think you're fat- but if you think you're fat, fix it!"
Doesn't this thong look like it should be facing the other way? And on a man?^^

What else could I say? Isn't my puppy sooo cute??

I am running out of DON'Ts. I won't make any DOs cause you can DO whatever you want. As long as you DON'T do those things ^

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Work from Home Woes

I love my job. I do extremely well, it comes very easily to me. Thankfully, business has been as good as the economy bad. I am a certified Financial Fitness Coach for one of the top debt consolidation companies. The pay is great. I am making over double what I made in Buffalo on BASE salary alone. Not including, comission, incentives and bonuses. Financially, things are looking up for Phil and I. The apartment set us back a bit. They required 2 months deposit + October rent + November rent was due the 1st. $8,000 in a month, bye-bye. Not keeping in mind furnishing, setting up utilities, food & new work clothes.

But finally, now, we are almost there in terms of furniture. We've painted the dining room and living room. Bought a nice sofa set and I finally set up my home office before Christmas after in house training for two months. So far so good! We actually are starting to get our first few paychecks where nothing else is due. Only took 3 months. >.>

My job, I can't complain. I chose an evening schedule so I could have weekends off. Morning schedules require you to work one weekend day. But having Phil at work all day and getting home to me at work all evening is not much fun. I don't drive because I don't have a car because I'm from NYC where you don't NEED a car. I do have my license! Hopefully I'll get a little something further down the line when it's more necessary. As of now, I can only count on Phil to take me anywhere I need to go. The places we end up frequenting are Walmart and fastfood.

It used to be I'd find any excuse to leave the apartment, like walk around the club house, visit the gym. Now I feel so lazy before work, I don't want to do anything. I just want to lay around until I absolutely HAVE to go in the office and work. I need to find something to do before hand. A hobby or something to keep me busy. Any suggestions?

Please don't ask for any work from home jobs. I'm not stuffing envelopes and it's not part-time. You have to live in the state of Maryland or California, or find someway to live there for 2 months while in training. You need a bachelor's degree and experiences in sales. It's an actual career, not get rich quick scheme or gimmick or something you can do while watching your kids from home. I'll be more than happy to refer people if this is the case. :D

Friday, January 15, 2010

Question on my Ethnicity

I know this will open up a whole new can of worms- but let's.

My response to this is the best I could give on my own behalf- I can't speak for anyone else on the subject.

This is a question from a very good friend here on YouTube:

I love your videos and find your weight loss inspirational!
My question is concerning your ethnicity... I know it doesnt matter too much, I'm just curious about why you so vehemently deny having any african ancestory? You say you're Dominican, and I beleive that is true but you look African American, frankly. You could have knocked me over with a feather when you mentioned in one of your videos that you arent black. I felt slightly offended about it, actually... I know you dont give a shit about anyones hurt feelings, but I'm curious. You must know that many of your subscribers are African American! 90% of Domicans are part African, you know! Its ok if you dont answer this question, its a touchy subject, and actually, I may have answered it myself, but any of your thoughts on the matter would be appreciated. ^_^

I replied:
What matter? I'm Dominican, we are all kinds of races- especially African. I still don't understand what you're asking....

"Black" (a term I hate) for us means African American (another term I hate)- we usually don't want to be confused with being African-American because our cultures are so different.
Am I black? Yeah.
African American? No.

Blacktina like some people called it. It doesn't really make a difference to me, but our culture is so instilled in us we want to make sure we know others know too, it's a pride thing I guess.

I've read a lot on this topic and different opinions and views. I feel like it's not a disassociation with being black- but more so one with being American.
AT least for me, I can't speak for others.

Just as if a European immigrant comes here- you can call them white, they're white wherever they are in the world. But they're just NOT American.

I'm from NYC- so anyone I know who comes here from other countries, make it known what country you are from. IE Jamaican, Russian, Haitian.

I LOVE everything in me that's African- you know how bland I'd be without it?

Good question- I didn't mean to offend people, just let them know where I was from. My race is Hispanic- or Latino (some people prefer one term over the other). My ancestry is primarily African- not "black".

It's just a words game.

I should probably think out my responses better. You can call me anti-American, which a lot of the time I can be in some cases, for example: Government.

I wasn't sure what pic to put in here, but here's me and my sis at New Year's. :D

Friday, January 8, 2010


Just recently I was told by a viewer that my weight loss was discouraging because I lost in a day what she loses in a week. So she will no longer be watching my videos.


Guess I'll roll up in a ball and cry my eyes out.

But in all seriousness, why should my weight loss have such a negative impact on someone else's life? Should I not lose as much, or even gain 20-30lbs to make someone else feel better about them self? It is apparent that the problem isn't me. I don't compare my weight loss to others. Any loss is good, whether it takes you a day or a year. I don't rock back and forth in a corner and cry when I see someone lose 20lbs a week on biggest loser.

People, grow up.

I mentioned in a video that I like to start a new challenge with laxative tea or maybe I should've said Green Tea, so it may have sounded like a healthy choice. Green tea sends you to the bathroom. Now I'm just some wannarexic laxative abuser who starves herself? Right...

I posted EVERYTHING on my blog- I don't know what else people are waiting for.

WHERE ARE THOSE BERRIES????? HUH- where are those magic berries I'm taking that I'm OBVIOUSLY keeping a secret from everyone because there's something else I must be doing other than what I've already mentioned.

Every magazine you buy in the store is FILLED with exercise and diet tips. Why don't you just do that?

Or fast with a lemonade diet?

Or do 1,000 crunches a day for a week until your abs are shreded.

The reason many of you don't do these things is because it is painful, and hard. Sorry but, I like to eat what I eat. If I know I'm on a diet, or challenge I eat less of my normal food.

Is that so hard? I don't eat salads, I HATE salads.

I don't eat 5 meals a day so I can take 4 shits a day either. I want to shrink my stomach, not make it bigger.


I've tried it all.

This is what works for me. I'm not going to change it because it makes you cry or feel bad etc. Find what works for YOU!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Maternal Blunders

So recently I was on the phone with my mother and was trying to get her to the see new apartment via Youtube. It takes forever because her computer skills aren't so great. She gets to my main page and clicks on the video of me talking at the gym. She says to me,

"How much do you weigh there?"


"Oh wow, that's too fat. You should be 120 max."

I'm not sure whether many of you know this or not but, I wasn't big too long before I decided to lose weight and go on Youtube. I gained weight freshman year of college and it didn't seem to budge, til I started posting and came here of course.

Throughout high school I maintained a weight from 114 to low 130s. Body changes a lot I found, from Freshman to Senior year of high school.

Anyway, even at my lowest weight I could always remember my mother calling me fat somehow. If I was eating something she thought I shouldn't have, she would comment how fat it will make me. She would often, especially during the years where we would fall out, not cook enough dinner for me because according to her, I was on a diet.

I was on a fast food and junk diet those days. Especially being a McSlave for 3 years in high school. I know several other girls/women have told me they had been verbally abused about their weight from their parents/family. What I am starting to wonder is, will I be the same to my kids?

Parenthood is mimetic. Not all the time. But most of our personality traits we obtain from our parents and whoever raised us.

I hate to admit, I am more like my mother than I'd like to be. I think she makes up a good 75% of me. I do get some logic from my brilliant father, but it seems she brings out the best and worst in me. I could 100% accurately say, she is the reason I have terrible body image- always have for as long as I can remember. I'm sure other influences didn't help either.

Would I do the same to my own children? I'm not so sure I wouldn't. However, my mother does the same to my brother, Patrick. He by no means a fat kid, but has a wide/muscular build, wide shoulders/chest. He could be a great football player someday- if we weren't Dominican and conditioned(forced) to play baseball. He's only eleven and the other day he says to me "Hey guess, what... I've lost a little weight."

What a horrible thing for a child to have on their mind. Children shouldn't be worried about their appearance too much. Especially something you can't control like- GENETiCS.

I've told her countless times not mention things like that to him. My youngest brother, Sam, is underweight. He plays in the Florida State All Star little league. They both play baseball and basketball, skateboard, ride bikes, Rollerblade... Things I was could never do at that age growing up in NYC. They're pretty active kids, both have picky eating habits- like normal kids.

So, what good would it do to tell your kid he's fat?

Is there no in between? For my mother you're fat until you're thin.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Sorry for the Lack of Posts

Things have been very very stressful, I've been going through a very tough time right now and weight loss is the last thing from my mind. My insecurities about my body and weight are still there. Weight loss will not make you happier or a better person so please learn to love and live with yourself now.

Some things will be going on in my life very soon. Very important changes that I will discuss once they occur. They may be for the better or for the worse.

However I a trying to maintain. I am currently between 137-140; which is perfectly fine by me. Remember I am still not at my goal weight, and once I reach my goal weight I plan to tone without gaining too much muscle weight- so my fat will hopefully go down. Especially in my upper body, arms, back, etc.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Let's do the Math!

The average American woman weighs 160lbs (159) and is 5'4.
She needs a balanced diet of 2,000 (1,965) calories to maintain her weight.

Now, cutting those calories in half would leave us with 1,000 calories to play with. This is plenty.

Mathematically, a woman of these stats would lose at LEAST half a pound a day. 3.5lbs in a week.

Having a poor diet.

I would label myself as someone who has a poor diet. I don't have balanced meals. Most meals I make are quick, lazy and microwavable. It is very important to eat a multitude of things. The food listed in previous blogs was last summer, not now. Now that you have these 1,000 calories to go with, make up some meals of your own. But make sure they are balanced and also make sure they are things you will MOST LIKELY COOK!

I discourage trying too new and different things unless you can actually do it for an extended period of time and you can a$$ord it.

No more cutting out bread and dairy, or eating only protein. Calculate things you already eat on a daily, and make your limits. You'll be more likely to stick to it if there are really no changes to what you're used to.

3.5lbs a week means nearly 15lbs a month- ONLY by means of dieting. Add exercise to the mix and you're set! There's no way any of you couldn't lose.

Whether or not you think this is too quickly or too slowly is up to you. If you want to lose a lb a week go ahead. My main issue with that is, when I don't see fast enough results, I just tend to lose interest and stop what I'm doing.

And think to yourself: How long have you been overweight? A lb a week would mean 52lbs a year. 52lbs would get many of us out of the "overweight" category- but we are still overweight? WHY?

Please remember, this time last year I JUST stepped out the "OBESE" category with a BMI of 30.1

No more baby steps- do something NOW.

At your Own Discretion

This blog is to be read at your own discretion. Anything said or commented will not impact my daily activities. Many people are curious as to how I lose weight and here it is. Tips from what I have been doing for over a year now. I am by no means a doctor. But I will be honest. Sorry if by honest it meant I wasn't shoving some juice fast, special berries or diet pills down your throat. I am a normal girl who could live off cereal for the rest of her life. I'm not telling anyone to do anything special except- WATCH WHAT YOU EAT!

I could eat all those hot dogs by the way. :D

Sunday, July 19, 2009

What to Eat?!

There are many questions concerning with what I eat day to day during my challenge. The honest truth is, I eat anything I want really. I'm not big on selecting only certain things.

When I first started my bikini challenge and lost 30 lbs in 6 weeks I was calorie counting. About 2,100 calories maintained my weight at 192 lbs. So cutting that in half, I'd have to lose something, right?

I made myself a calorie limit of about 800-900 calories a day. This may not sound like much, but it is enough. REALLY.


Exactly one cup of Raisin Bran with half a cup of Skim Milk (250 calories)
Bowl looks kinda empty huh?
That's ONE serving- deal with it!
1/2 cup of oatmeal with light sugar (Under 200 calories)


Whole wheat sandwich: 2 slices
Turkey Bologna, American Cheese and Mayo (about 320 calories)
Fruit/Cereal Bar (80)
Looks better than a burger right now~! I think the pic has guacamole, tomatoes, lettuce and bacon!
No subs or SUBWAY!

Dinner @ exactly 6pm:
1 chicken breast (any seasoning) NO SAUCES- Ketchup, BBQ, SOY etc.
Handful of frozen Veggies (30)

In TOTAL you are having about 750-900 calories. And it's enough. Not starving or just eating GREENS (boring!)


If you get hungry at any point and want some sort of snack- DON'T! Chill out on the snacks! Look what got you here in the first place! Eat at a controlled rate like this for two weeks and you get used to it. After awhile it's very filling, TOO filling.

I know it's repetitive but I did it for 6 weeks. I was a college student and didn't have time for looking up recipes and being creative and all that bullshit. I still don't have time for it now.

Oh yeah! WATER- I had 4 bottles of water a day (8 servings)
Refill water bottles as soon as they're done to save money!

I'd buy a family pack of boneless chicken breast, they're pretty thick so cut each breast in half. Season the WHOLE thing. Then individually Ziploc each piece. When you are ready to eat, grab one out the fridge and run the close bag under cold water for 2-3 minutes and you're good to go.

Premeasure the cereal. I bought tiny little containers with lids that could only hold about a cup. I lined up 7 at the beginning of every week.

You don't have to break the bank to diet or calorie count.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

Keeping it Off

It's the end of the first week and I have lost a total of 7lbs. Like I say in my videos, the first week is the easiest to lose. Now the trick is duplicating what I did and then some.

The #1 tip to losing weight and keeping it off is simple:



Weigh yourself everyday. There are people who say they don't do it because they don't want to become "obsessed" with the scale, but guess what? You need some sort of obsession with the scale if you want results to happen quickly. If you're one of those "I lose 1-2lbs a week" people- fine. Weigh yourself once a week and I'm sure you've done fine.

But not if you're trying to lose 20 in 14 days or a month even. There is nothing wrong with rapid weight loss. It is harder to maintain- but it's not impossible. Weighing yourself is the answer. Give yourself a 2-3 lbs range maybe (I do a 1-2) if you're at the same weight as yesterday, that's great! As long as you're not gaining.

Jackie Kennedy stayed between 124 and 130 her entire adult life. If she felt she was getting close to her 130 limit, she'd eat lightly for a day or two until her weight was where she wanted it to be.

Can't let yourselves gain 5, 10, 20 lbs! If you're already there, why give it all away?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Flabby Arms

Day 5 of 14

I've been gradually decreasing my food intake and have been kicking in the extra bits of exercise here and there. Crunches or leg lifts during commercials really help your abs. However, we all know that is not my problem. The problem are the arms. I've been doing presses against the wall- whatever they are called to see if I tone these arms up a bit.

To those girls who say they won't work out their arms because they don't want to get buff- cut the shit. We all know it is NOT that easy to have buff arms. I swear Jillian Michaels does steroids and a half to get arms like that. So let's cut the girly crap cause we all know how great it looks on a woman when she has nice tone shoulders, collar, and arms. Michelle Obama and Rhianna are perfect examples of women who have tight slim arms. And they wear it well!!

Don't forget to visit our YouTube Group Blog

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Ultimate Goal Weight Challenge

So recently on Youtube I started an Ultimate Goal Weight Challenge. Now- my scale batteries have run out and I need to go replace them before weigh in today.

I haven't gotten off to a great start. I've had Oatmeal for breakfast every morning with light sugar. Followed by a light Lunch, like a whole wheat turkey sandwich. Dinner usually is a thing of the past during a challenge. Typically if I am hungry by dinner time I have some Special K or some pieces of fruit. Eventually to get used to eating smaller portions.

Like I said in my last video, dieting is emotionally draining. Making videos on youtube have been my outlet this whole time. So maybe many people who may watch and not post videos have a slight disadvantage.

I'm not sure where I am weighing at the moment but I am hoping it's below 148. SW was 152. I have 10 days to lose 20 lbs or so. I really need to get moving.

Don't forget to visit our YouTube Group Blog

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Starting New


I'm sure most of you are here because you know me as Tearsonmypillow87 or Tearsnomore87 on YouTube. I am starting this blog to make it easier for you guys to keep up with me! There have been many questions as to what I did to lose weight, how to start weight loss of your own or just finish off what you've got going.

I'll start by saying you have to find your own medium of happiness. Losing weight will NOT magically make problems or deep seeded feelings magically disappear. Sure, it may be one less thing to worry about. However, you should not identify YOU, the person, as a number on a scale or tape measure.

So if you're one of those people who think weight loss will be the end-all-be-all solution to your problems, then it is NOT for you. But if you know there are much greater things to accomplish in this life regardless of the results of your success, prepare yourself for a very long, tumultuous and fruitful journey.

Most to all information will be based on personal experience. I am by NO means an expert on weight loss. I just so happened to lose 50lbs over the course of 2008 and would like to share it with the rest of you.

Hope this helps!